2023 Highlights

These highlight write-ups seem to come around faster each year. My wife recently got a mug that says “The days are long, but the years are short,” in reference to time with our three month old baby, Henry. There definitely seems to be some truth to that statement. Time feels slow some days, but then we find ourselves about to celebrate the New Year and we look back at the last three months and feel like time went by quickly.

I appreciate the opportunity to think of a lot of the positive events that took place over the last year. I certainly have a lot to be grateful for in my life.

Here are my 2023 highlights, which of course cannot include everything:

• The birth of our son, Henry, on September 8th!
• Henry meeting all of our family members and friends
• Seeing Henry’s big smile, every time
• Henry laughing!
• Henry’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas
• Our baby shower for Henry! We had a lot of family and close friends come for a splendid time
• Our health and the health of our family-members and friends
• Time spent walking, cuddling, and having fun with our doggo, Miss Jovi
• Seeing Jovi playing with her dog friends
• My cousin Jonny’s wedding in Petworth, England, with all of my extended family on my Mom’s side. Time spent in England feels special, especially with my Grandma, who is 97 years old
• Both Katie’s, who are Veronica’s good friends, celebrating their weddings with us in attendance
• Being a groomsman in Vince and Brittany’s wedding. We greatly enjoyed all the joking and dancing
• Two weeks after Vince’s wedding, I was a groomsman in Rudy and Lauren’s wedding! We had a blast with all of our Ursinus friends
• To cap off our summer of weddings, we loved Jame’s and Brie’s wedding in August with more Ursinus friends from the past. Veronica was around 36 weeks pregnant at the time and still dancing around
• Our babymoon in Williamsburg, Virginia. We went to each spot of the historic triangle and visited Virginia Beach
• The Hanukkah party at the Skobeloff’s. Everyone loved meeting Mr. Henry
• Being asked to be one of Jonah’s groomsmen for his wedding with Lena. Dudek and his parents were there with us as well that day to meet Henry
• Helping coach the Bristol track and field and cross country teams. Above all, I appreciate working with the students to help them grow and develop in the sport. I have a lot of fun running with them and pacing them in workouts. Our boys 4×8 relay won the district and ran well at states. Our boys cross country team was the first team in school history to qualify for the state meet as a team. Four girls also qualified!
• Working with my students and co-workers at SJU. Lots of big accomplishments and growth for the students in our program
• My colleague’s wedding in October, making that seven weddings for the year!
• All the laughs we shared
• Reading some great books, including Outlive and Master of Change
• Revealing the news about Veronica’s pregnancy to our family members and friends
• All the meals and times shared with our family members and close friends
• Vince’s bachelor party weekend in Philly. I’m getting too old for that kind of fun lol
• The winter series races
• The opportunity to grow and learn
• Feeling God’s love

2022 Highlights

Happy New Year! I like to write out highlights at the conclusion of each calendar year. I enjoy this tradition and appreciate taking the time to remember many positive, joyful, and meaningful events. Crazy enough, these posts feel like they are coming around faster after each trip around the sun. I wish anyone reading this health, happiness, and well-being in 2023.

Without further ado, here are my 2022 highlights:

-Our health and the health of our family, extended family, and friends

-Veronica and I celebrating our two year wedding anniversary

-Spending the major holidays with both my family and Veronica’s family

-Time cuddled up with our sweet doggo, Jovi, or seeing her happy on walks or with other people/dogs

-A wonderful trip with Veronica to Berlin for my cousin’s wedding, then spending time in England with family, mostly with my Grandma in the same home my Mom grew up in

-A super fun trip to Napa Valley with Veronica for our friend Ethan’s wedding, where we also got to celebrate a birthday with another friend, Jonah

-A fun getaway with Veronica to the Pocono’s where we went snowtubing, out for a long hike on part of the Appalachian Trail, bowling for the first time as a couple (10 years in the making lol), and more

-Being asked to be one of the groomsmen in my friend Vince’s wedding

-Rudy’s bachelor party weekend down in the Pocono’s with the other groomsmen, where Jamie’s selection of “Natty Daddy” was not a hit. But everything else was!

-A healthy and consistent year of running, which included a few wins at road 5ks, a sub-18 minute 5k for the first time in years, a PR at the Broad Street 10 miler, and lots of enjoyable runs

-Coaching the Bristol high school track team and cross country team, helping a number of athletes PR and seeing three boys and one girl qualify for the state meet in XC

-Starting a new job working with college students with ASD

-Veronica and I moved into a new house back in May right down the street, which is actually the same house where Veronica spent a large chunk of her childhood

-A fun night out in Media with Nick, Jonah, and Lena

-Having friends over to visit our new place, both mine and Veronica’s

-Going out and about with Bill, Ryan, and Jenna

-Dylan’s wedding celebration where we saw a lot of Ursinus friends

-Slade and Sam’s wedding with even more Ursinus people

-Going to a couple of baptism’s for Veronica’s close friends

-The Marcus Mumford concert at the Met

-Going to the Phillies and Union with Veronica and friends

-Time with Joshua (10)

-Reading some great books and listening to some insightful podcasts

-Any moment where I was laughing heartily

The Two Wolves Within Us

Which wolf are you feeding?

I recently read about a story where an elderly woman is asked how she became so wise, respected, and loved. She replies: “I know that there are two wolves in my heart: a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day.”

We all have the capacity for love, compassion, and generosity, but we also have the potential for hate, selfishness, and malice. As a human, we’re bound to feel both wolves to varying levels, but thankfully we have some control in the matter of which we feel more.

This concept may seem simple, but can be difficult to fully grasp.

The wolf of hate has actually helped us survive as a species. Our DNA is partially wired to “other” those who are different than us-think back to our ancestors making sure their tribe lived-but thanks to our evolved brains and accompanying wisdom, we know that we can nurture the wolf of love with practice and see the wolf of hate without as much fear and anger. The wolf of hate has some usefulness, such as protecting us in moments of danger, but ultimately should be used sparingly, when needed.

We can use our executive functioning skills to regulate negative emotions, especially in regard to our feelings about people who are different than us.

We need not love strangers as we love our family, but we can at least have some baseline compassion for others. If one has the means, then generosity over selfishness can prevail. Compassion over judgment can lead the way.

This is not easy and I know I need to work hard at it, but with practice we can start to notice important differences.

Find that wolf of love and feed it for yourself and others.

The Importance of Staying Grounded

I recently finished reading Brad Stulberg’s The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path To Success That Feeds-Not Crushes-Your Soul. I have a healthy skepticism of self-help literature nowadays, but I heard Stulberg speak on a podcast before purchasing the book and his message resonated with me.

He makes the argument that conventional success in our society, such as money, fame, relevance, and followers on social media, are not all that people hype them up to be. While we should strive to accomplish things, more of our time and energy ought to go into focusing on our internal foundation-the ground so to speak-so that we push to reach great heights from a more solid place within us. With this approach, we will probably feel better, perform better, love better, and live a fuller life.

Stulberg offers six principles of groundedness, which are acceptance, being present, patience, vulnerability, deep community, and movement.

I enjoyed his breakdown of each principle, but mostly appreciated his writing style as he blends scientific research with ancient wisdom. He cites plenty of research studies, but also pulls out philosophical ideas from figures such as the Buddha. There is plenty of overlap between science and wisdom that help point us toward improving our lives.

Returning to my skepticism of self-help books, I do not appreciate when self-help is made to seem simple and purely for the sake of pursuing pleasure. I understand that how one feels their best is subjective, but if one takes the approach that they only need to focus on eating ice cream to feel better or they can get a massage at the spa once a week to release all their stress, I would argue that is not true self-care.

Self-care takes hard work and a mix of discipline and compassion. Eating healthy on a regular basis, exercising daily, spending time with loved ones, meditating or praying, self-reflecting in some way such as journaling, all of these take time and effort.

I am not arguing that someone should be like a robot, but if you can create healthy habits, without putting too much pressure or stress on yourself to improve, then chances are that life will be fuller.

Stulberg came up with his book idea after a hike where he recognized the tree is grounded in its many roots. We can all have a stronger foundation if we take time to nurture our inner world, ultimately helping the world around us as well.

Highlights from 2021

A lot of people hoped 2021 would be much different than 2020, at least in relation to the Covid-19 pandemic. While there were many improvements, especially with vaccinations, our country and world still face challenges with this widespread virus.

With that being said, in the midst of great suffering there has been a lot of joy. I believe gratitude can be a strong practice and I can feel an energy within me while I write this post. I have faced some challenges this past year, but recognize I have a lot to be grateful for every day.

As I have done in past years, here are my highlights from 2021…

Highlights:

• Veronica and I got to celebrate our wedding from October 2020 with a delayed reception in July 2021. We ran a DMR in the early afternoon (my team got the W ;)) and then partied with family and friends at night!
• Adopting our sweet doggo, Miss Jovi Schlegel
• Seeing Jovi make new dog friends and some of the longer family walks we’ve taken
• Celebrating our one year wedding anniversary in October
• Taking a trip to visit our friend Jonah and his girlfriend in NYC.
• Not to mention also celebrating 9 years together in October!
• Going on vacation in St. John’s with Veronica and her family- such a beautiful place
• Going on a trip with Veronica to Gettysburg for an extended weekend and exploring all over
• Coaching the Bristol High School Cross Country team and helping almost every runner on the team PR, as well as three individuals qualifying for the state meet
• Going to see a couple of the Philadelphia Union playoff games with friends, including the game-winner from Glesnes
• Being asked to be one of the groomsmen at Rudy’s wedding in 2023
• Reading some great books
• Finally got a new phone, upgrading from am iPhone 5s (had it for years) to a 12
• A lovely Thanksgiving meal with fam
• The Wheeler-Delaney Christmas Party
• Running a solid 18:29 5k at the Mill Street run, in our hometown of Bristol
• Attending some nice baby showers and a wedding
• Whenever Veronica and I both have a great nights’ rest! Or when we go out to eat together

What’s a Buddhist Christian?

I am by no means a religious scholar, so take all of the following with a grain of salt, but at times I would like to consider myself as a Buddhist Christian.

So what does that mean?

There’s a lot you can unpack here, but to start, there’s a reason I order the words as Buddhist Christian and not Christian Buddhist. I write this because I am a Christian and believe in a higher power, God. I recognize I may be wrong about this, but this is my belief, not a truth I would try to force on others.

To add to this, or perhaps somewhat stray, I resonate with a lot of the Buddha’s teachings on how to live an ethical life.

I gain a lot of meaning from my Catholic belief, but I also gain a lot of practical advice from the Buddha.

Below is what I would consider the main difference between the two, but then some ways that Buddhism can complement my Catholic belief.

Major Difference

At their core, they differ. The Buddha did not say he was divine and encouraged others to practice what he advises, rather than just believing him without evidence.

Jesus, on the other hand, is divine and God in the flesh. Christianity presents as the sole truth in the world and is a missionary religion.

Buddha, on the other hand, believed in reincarnation, which was based on your karma, while Christianity focuses on heaven and hell.

Ways Buddhism Can Complement My Belief

While their main beliefs may directly conflict, thanks to living in our modern world, there are ways to focus on the secular aspects of Buddhism that help me live a more ethical life, ultimately supporting me as a Christian. For example, the focus on meditation and mindfulness in Buddhism can help us feel calmer and happier, even if we are not trying to reach enlightenment.

I appreciate the emphasis in Buddhism on working to end suffering. We all suffer in many ways and the Buddha offers an alternative way to live with our typical, monkey-brain mind. We tend to crave for things to be different constantly, rather than accepting where we are and being present. I find immense value in Buddhism’s focus on detaching ourselves from a lot of things. I want to build up and enhance my inner resources to deal with adversity, something Buddhism does quite well.

Now, there are a lot of loose ends here that could only be properly explored in a much longer post or book. With that being said, I would encourage anyway interested in this topic to read Jesus & Buddha: Friends in Conversation, by Paul Knitter and Roger Haight, a Buddhist-Christian theologian and a Christian theologian. A dual-religious identity is possible.

Attitude of Gratitude

The slogan “attitude of gratitude” may sound cheesy and silly to you, but there is a lot of truth to be found here.

I’ve been having a difficult time lately accepting some things, from work frustration to knee pain that’s keeping me from running, one of my favorite things to do. I feel challenged right now and I am noticing a lot more anxiety and stress. Challenges, though, offer the opportunity to step up, persevere, and produce positive change.

But a lot of anxiety and stress is ultimately unnecessary suffering, as Buddhists would point out.

Trying to cultivate more gratitude for what we have in our lives can be massively beneficial, for anyone. Here is a list of some things I am grateful for today and pretty much every day:

• God
• Veronica, my lovely wife
• Family
• Friends
• Jovi, our doggo
• Community
• Health
• Laughter
• Delicious food
• Movement
• Work
• Shelter
• Ethics
• Science
• Writing
• Reading
• Our precious human birth

Actively thinking of these things and actually writing them down can be so helpful. Hope you feel grateful!

Wedding Reception and DMR Recap

Last Saturday, July 31, Veronica and I got to fully celebrate our wedding with family and friends.

We were married on October 24, 2020, and delayed our reception until July due to COVID restrictions. We had a fun smaller gathering after the wedding in October, but knew that we wanted to have our bigger celebration.

Overall, we ended up having quite the day.

We started off the afternoon with the Distance Medley Reception, which was a relay race that followed the format of a typical DMR. Basically, the race goes 1200m (3 laps), 400m (1 lap), 800m (2 laps), and the mile (4 laps).

We tried to make the teams as even as possible going into the race, but obviously that can be hard to do with a wide variety of people. However, the race ended up being fairly competitive. Thankfully, everyone seemed to have a lot of fun and enjoyed the atmosphere. The Wheelers, Veronica’s immediate family, set everyone up very well, providing food and refreshments following the race. To anyone reading this who ran, helped, or watched the race, thank you so much. We were really looking forward to the event and had a blast.

There would be too many people to highlight from the race for their performance, but a few stick out. The two Calhoun kids, Maura and Colin, crushed their respective legs and set up Nick Dudek for an impressive anchor leg to bring home the victory. Jamie Hartop received the baton in 5th place and ran a crazy fast final mile in 4:48 to get his team second! James Newman (recently engaged!) clocked the fastest 400m in 81 seconds, while Jonah S ran the fastest 800m split in 2:48.

Standings	1200	400	800	Mile
1	Luke S- 3:44	Maura C- 1:37	Colin C- 4:04	Nick D- 5:15
2	Josh C- 4:31	Carrie K- 2:05	Steve K- 3:21	Jamie H- 4:48
3	Andreas Q- 4:11	Angelo Q- 1:22	Rick S- 3:48	Aidan Q- 5:25
4	Simoncini- 4:37	Bridget C- 2:19	Tim S- 2:56	Drew M- 5:29
5	Veronica S- 5:16	Newman- 1:21	Jonah S- 2:48	Rudy- 6:08
6	Johnny W- 4:39	Karen W- 1:50	John W- 3:38	Larry D- 6:16
7	Bridget W- 5:39	Brittany V- 1:37	Gary D- 3:57	Vince F- 5:42

The reception took place at The Buck Hotel in Feasterville, where we received excellent service from stellar hosts.

The cocktail hour, introductions, speeches, dinner, dessert, and dancing all made for a fabulous time. Looking back, I smile with gratitude thinking back on one of the best nights of our lives, getting to celebrate with many people who are close to us. While we wish some more of our family members could have come, especially my Mom’s side in England because they could not come back in October, we were thankful for everyone there.

To pronounce and bind your love with someone else in front of family and friends is truly special. Our actual wedding may have been in October, but to experience all the love from everyone last Saturday, nine months later, added a unique wedding/reception experience we will remember fondly, knowing this all took place during crazy times with COVID.

On a final note, the MVPs of the dance floor would have to go to Vince F, Nick D, and Sophie S.

Let’s Talk Happiness

We all know what happiness means, although some people would differentiate between true happiness and fleeting pleasures, such as being married to your best friend versus eating your favorite ice cream. But we can all agree on the basic idea that happiness involves feelings of joy, delight, glee, contentment, etc.

I recently read The Book of Joy, authored by the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams. Basically, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop met for close to a week where they discussed various topics related to joy, including the nature of joy, the obstacles to it, and what they termed the eight pillars of joy. Abrams, a journalist and author, participated in these conversations and crafted what was discussed into this book.

I would definitely recommend reading the book as the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop each have amazing stories from their past and they are full of wisdom that can be applied to anyone’s life.

A photo of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop showing off some moves.

I took a lot from the book, but one thing that Abrams pointed out was a study on happiness conducted by the psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who suggests that about half of our happiness is determined by factors like genes and temperament, so things mostly out of our control, while the other half is determined by a combination of our circumstances, which we have limited control over, and then our attitudes and actions, over which we exert much control.

Lyubomirsky pointed out three main factors that can have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness. The three are:

1. Our ability to reframe our situation more positively
2. Our ability to experience gratitude
3. Our choice to be kind and generous

I really like these three factors because they are easy to understand, practical, and effective when you try them yourself. Now, keep in mind this does not mean you should just feel happy when something bad or tragic happens. However, concerning most situations in life, we can reframe our perspective in a more positive manner, keep in mind all that we have to be grateful for, and remain kind and generous toward others, even when things get tough.

Turning 26 Years Old- Gotta Run the Big One (The Marathon)

Tomorrow I turn 26. Holy potatoes.

Actually, I am not surprised. Time never stops rolling along. The Buddha (and many others) have pointed out that we all get old and we all pass away at some point. Life is impermanent, at least from our understanding. What we do with our limited time is what matters.

Many older people seem to remark how quickly their lives went by when they look back.

In the grand scheme of things, 26 is not that old to many, but to others it may be.

I was thinking of making a list of goals to set for my next year of life as a 26 year old, but I will take some time to think about those off of here. One thing I have decided I want to try: RUN A MARATHON.

The math makes sense, right? 26 years old= 26.2 miles

I ran in college and still run competitively at the local race scene (trying to make myself sound good here), but I have never run further than a half-marathon in one go.

This is a task I do not plan to take lightly. I refuse to go out there not having trained and prepared myself to try to run well (hopefully around sub 3 hours but we’ll see how training goes).

So, as I somewhat naively sit here optimistic and excited, I’m pumped for the challenge. And this is a very, very big challenge. I do not know when or where, but not until at least the Fall. I could use the later summer months to get in some heavier distance training.

Let’s go get it. I appreciate any well-wishes and positive vibes.