Reminder of “Momento Mori”

Hearing or reading “remember that you must die,” probably sounds morbid and fear-mongering, but “Momento Mori,” which has roots in Ancient Rome and with the Stoics, serves to remind us that none of us are immortal and we do not know for sure when our time will come to an end.

This makes many of us uncomfortable, with good reason, but also offers the opportunity to ensure we are making use of our time while here on Earth. We are fortunate that we do not have to worry about being eaten by a predator on any given day, as some of our ancestors had to do, but that does not mean we are invincible in young age.

Reflecting on our impermanence can help guide our actions and the direction we take in life.

Knowing we won’t be around forever does not mean we partake in risky behavior every day, but there’s a middle ground we can find. One where we stay disciplined, but also take calculated risks at times or do something different than normal because we recognize our bodies do not survive forever.

Marcus Aurelius, one of the most well-known Stoics, writes in Meditations, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

While I do not want to think about mortality all the time, taking time to contemplate this fact on occasion can motivate me to do what matters most.

Take Note of What Brings You Energy

Unless you are like my wife, who can drink coffee at night and often avoid sleep disturbance, most of us drink coffee during the day to provide energy and pleasure. I love a hot cup in the morning to get the day going.

Besides coffee and other substances (some you probably should not take), there are natural ways to get energy. This can look different between individuals and groups, but knowing what gives us energy can be useful and worth investing more time into, despite our busy lives. Similar to finding a flow state, doing things that give us energy helps us “feel alive” and more in-tune with our lives.

While going out drinking with friends may give you a lot of energy, that is something you probably want to do occasionally, not all the time. We are trying to think of things that are generally healthy and possible to do on a regular basis.

For example, what I’ve noticed I gain energy from (typically, not every time):

• Intellectual or deep conversations with Veronica and/or friends

• Going somewhere with Veronica where it is just the two of us with limited phone activity

• Seeing my family and chatting over a meal

• Going for a walk with our doggo, Jovi (great way to start early mornings out of bed)

• Reading a book I’m interested in and want to keep reading

• Laughing

• Simple movements of the body

• Writing about topics related to well-being

• Talking to a friend I have not spoken to in a while

• Going out to eat or just spending time with friends (something we do less as we get older)

Why do I think this list is important for me to keep in mind?

Because we all tend to find ourselves going through the motions at times, most likely when we are tired and have a lot going on in our lives, personally and professionally. Sometimes just lounging about and relaxing is exactly what we need, but if we find we feel like we are wasting time by doing that too often, then being intentional and taking action to do something that provides energy may be the best antidote.

The Two Wolves Within Us

Which wolf are you feeding?

I recently read about a story where an elderly woman is asked how she became so wise, respected, and loved. She replies: “I know that there are two wolves in my heart: a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day.”

We all have the capacity for love, compassion, and generosity, but we also have the potential for hate, selfishness, and malice. As a human, we’re bound to feel both wolves to varying levels, but thankfully we have some control in the matter of which we feel more.

This concept may seem simple, but can be difficult to fully grasp.

The wolf of hate has actually helped us survive as a species. Our DNA is partially wired to “other” those who are different than us-think back to our ancestors making sure their tribe lived-but thanks to our evolved brains and accompanying wisdom, we know that we can nurture the wolf of love with practice and see the wolf of hate without as much fear and anger. The wolf of hate has some usefulness, such as protecting us in moments of danger, but ultimately should be used sparingly, when needed.

We can use our executive functioning skills to regulate negative emotions, especially in regard to our feelings about people who are different than us.

We need not love strangers as we love our family, but we can at least have some baseline compassion for others. If one has the means, then generosity over selfishness can prevail. Compassion over judgment can lead the way.

This is not easy and I know I need to work hard at it, but with practice we can start to notice important differences.

Find that wolf of love and feed it for yourself and others.

Let’s Talk Happiness

We all know what happiness means, although some people would differentiate between true happiness and fleeting pleasures, such as being married to your best friend versus eating your favorite ice cream. But we can all agree on the basic idea that happiness involves feelings of joy, delight, glee, contentment, etc.

I recently read The Book of Joy, authored by the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams. Basically, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop met for close to a week where they discussed various topics related to joy, including the nature of joy, the obstacles to it, and what they termed the eight pillars of joy. Abrams, a journalist and author, participated in these conversations and crafted what was discussed into this book.

I would definitely recommend reading the book as the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop each have amazing stories from their past and they are full of wisdom that can be applied to anyone’s life.

A photo of the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop showing off some moves.

I took a lot from the book, but one thing that Abrams pointed out was a study on happiness conducted by the psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who suggests that about half of our happiness is determined by factors like genes and temperament, so things mostly out of our control, while the other half is determined by a combination of our circumstances, which we have limited control over, and then our attitudes and actions, over which we exert much control.

Lyubomirsky pointed out three main factors that can have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness. The three are:

1. Our ability to reframe our situation more positively
2. Our ability to experience gratitude
3. Our choice to be kind and generous

I really like these three factors because they are easy to understand, practical, and effective when you try them yourself. Now, keep in mind this does not mean you should just feel happy when something bad or tragic happens. However, concerning most situations in life, we can reframe our perspective in a more positive manner, keep in mind all that we have to be grateful for, and remain kind and generous toward others, even when things get tough.

The Importance of a Preventative Approach

There are a lot of things out of our control, but there is often quite a lot we can do to try to create better outcomes for ourselves and others in the future. Unless you are born lucky and have a stellar metabolism, you likely know if you eat garbage most of the time and do not exercise then you will pay the price down the line, perhaps with serious consequences, such as heart failure or diabetes. If you do not take care of yourself with proper sleep and mindful attention of your thoughts and feelings, your mental health may suffer at some point, leading to much lower life satisfaction and well-being.

One could point out that you can try to be as healthy as you want and still end up with heart disease or something unfortunate and debilitating, so why not just do what you want? Of course that is true to some extent; many things are out of our control, no matter how hard we try to alter that. But I would think we want to give ourselves the best chance to prevent negative outcomes down the line.

Can you imagine how much money would be saved in healthcare if the obesity rate went down in the US? Often, obesity is preventable through lifestyle choices. Michelle Obama started the “Let’s Move” campaign to do exactly this: reduce childhood obesity and encourage healthy lifestyle choices for kids. She was met by public outcry, likely from many who are not so healthy themselves.

Healthcare spends billions on treatment for those who are sick. Obviously, we want to help those who need the help. However, if we focused on preventative healthcare, imagine how much better we could be as a nation. Rather than wait until an issue becomes serious, one can do an annual check-up, get their flu shot, try to eat healthy, do some form of exercise, try to get enough sleep, and more.

As a school counselor, when I take a step back, preventing issues down the line is one of my main goals. When I go into a class and talk about the signs of unhealthy stress, I may help a student recognize their stress before things become overwhelming, potentially leading to a crisis.

Teaching students healthy ways to cope with stress, how to regulate their emotions, what their strengths are and how that relates to potential careers can all be important and helpful. Along with meeting students one-on-one, I often present classroom lessons with the goal of future prevention in mind. This is my first year and not all of the lessons are outstanding by any means, but I hope the effort and content can make a difference.

All in all, we can PREVENT issues down the line and ought to strive to do so for the betterment of ourselves and those around us.